A Third Option To Unexpected Plans
I love surprises (most of the time). My first love language is Gifts, so I tend to like giving gifts as a surprise more than receiving them. Watching someone’s face as they hold and then open the gift is my favorite part. Often, I’ll give gifts (or just do something nice) at a time other than the normal birthday/holiday because it’s even more of a surprise.
Usually, surprises bring smiles, laughter, appreciation, positive planning, joy, and a filled heart.
However, sometimes surprises bring anxiety, panic, depression, fear, condemnation, shame and/or guilt. One such surprise being that of an unplanned pregnancy.
Never have I known such fear than when I found myself pregnant at the age of 15. Along with the fear came blaring surprise. How could this happen to me? I’m only a sophomore in high school! How could this happen? Something else is probably wrong! Why would this happen to me? I go to church, this doesn’t make sense.
Aside from the obvious answers to the question, the resounding emotion for the first 4-5 months of that pregnancy was utter surprise and shock, which closely played into the second emotion: denial.
As a person strong in my faith (in some aspects at least) the thought of terminating the baby never really took root in my mind. I knew it was an option of course, but not something I could wrap my head around. While my mom and I started moving forward with doctors appointments, visiting an alternative school for teen mothers, telling friends and church family, and other miscellaneous things; I started to notice a trend.
The trend being I could keep/raise the baby as my own with state assistance programs OR I could terminate the pregnancy. Those were the two options always presented no matter what; whether it was verbally communicated or handed out as literature. It was not until we met with a counselor from my parent’s church that the word “adoption” was put in the mix.
To this day – it still boggles my mind how little adoption is talked about!
As our world becomes divided over whose rights are more important, whether extra care should be given or not, or what side of the fence a person falls on; a picture is painted that life is either or. My heart has been breaking in two the last few months and I have felt physically ill over some of the media flashing across my screen.
I do not pretend to know everyone’s scenario. I have not walked in everyone’s shoes. I will never hatefully condemn someone for their choices. I am not the judge. God is. But my purpose is not to discuss any of those issues.
My purpose is to help raise awareness that there is a third option when it comes to unplanned pregnancy. No matter your age, race, financial or social status, health, number of children already existing, marital status, etc… Anyone is able to place a baby for adoption.
Did you know there an estimated 1-2 MILLION couples waiting to adopt a child???
If money is an issue, did you know the adoptive couple usually pays for the baby’s medical expenses?
Did you know you can choose the adoptive parents? Having particular desires for an adoptive couple is not a problem. Want to meet them? Sure! Want someone else to pick for you? Ok!
Did you know you can also choose whether or not to stay in contact with the adoptive couple after placement? If you want contact, you collectively work out a plan for how much and what types of contact (letter/pictures/in person gatherings/phone calls).
Afraid the baby won’t know they’re loved? Start journaling. Start writing letters/poetry/songs to them. Put together an album of family photos and stories especially for them. Explain your heart in words whether verbally recorded or written.
Worried about the emotional aftermath of carrying a baby to term and then lovingly giving them to another couple to raise? Adoption agencies have counselors you can speak with, churches have counselors you can speak with, there are birth mother groups/forum you can connect with.
Here are some interesting adoption statistics from the Adoption Network.
Nothing is easy.
An unplanned pregnancy at the wrong time, no matter the circumstances, is never a good surprise. All THREE options, no matter how easy they seem at the time, will involve heartache at some point.
The next time we hear of someone in this position, perhaps we could take a leap, and just ask if they know about adoption. I’m sure at some vague level we’ve all heard about it. But what does the general public really know about this option? After all, when we questioned the doctor’s office about it – they didn’t seem too sure or know which direction to point us in.
On a personal note:
If this happens to reach anyone facing this kind of decision – please reach out to me. I would love to walk through it with you, lift you up, and be a sounding board! Two are better than one!
If you happen to be part of the adoption triad (birth mother, adoptive parent, adopted child) don’t be afraid to share your experience. If we all stay quiet, people may never know about the amazing possibility of adoption!
