Why We Should Embrace Anxiety
There have been quite a few days (or maybe months) in the last couple years I’ve wanted to crawl back into bed and/or pretend that I was in grade school and the only thing I had to worry about was what mom packed for lunch!!!
Life seemed so much simpler back then. Recess. Books. Playing. Snack Time. Going to bed early. Waking up late. Vacations. Toys. Yet for some reason, most of us had this urge to grow up. To want more. Get a car. Live on our own. To be an adult. Go to college. Start a Family. Have a baby. Etc…
When we reach those milestones feeling of elation, achievement, and pride fill our hearts. We’re unstoppable. The sky is the limit. Positive feelings abound as we realize we can do this thing called life and do it well.
And then “reality” happens. Jobs are lost. Good grades become a struggle. A loved one receives a bad diagnosis or passes away. Relationships become rocky. People split up. Lifestyles change for the worse. Bills become hard to pay. Suddenly, we’re fighting to make it through the day. Feelings of depression, worry, low self-esteem, indecisiveness, and fear plague our thoughts.
Sometimes those thoughts threaten to choke us out. Sometimes they change us into a completely different person. They make life hard. The anxious feelings that swirl in our head soon take over the heart. It’s not fun. I’ve been there. And the struggle to break out of those repetitive thoughts is real and takes hard work!
The Anxiety and Depression Association of America tells me I’m not alone as over 40 million adults in the U.S. are affected by anxiety.
I feel lucky that in the last couple months I’ve had a few breakthroughs, which have made a world of difference in how I look at and deal with situations that can and/or do cause me anxiety. Here’s hoping they may help someone else too!
Illusion of Control
Earlier this year, one of the Pastors at our church spoke about anxiety. He relayed that “It gives the illusion of control. If you’re in control, you assume responsibility, that responsibility only leads to more anxiety” (my paraphrasing). What a vicious cycle and how true!!!!
This came front and center for me a month ago when our son ran into some health issues. As a parent, there are a ton of responsibilities and choices we must make every single day. We operate to the best of our ability, research topics till we’re blue in the face, and then second guess ourselves at times. As I was driving him to the doctor’s office to get checked out, I had an inkling we might end up being sent to the hospital. Within 15 minutes of being checked out, that’s exactly where we ended up going next.
At first, my mind ran rampant with what was going to happen, what he might be given, how long we’d have to stay, etc. Then I was angry because this “shouldn’t be” happening with how healthy we eat, the nutritional protocol we follow, our clean-living style, etc. That was followed up with a whole bunch of worry over knowing I would have less control of the situation upon entering the hospital.
Somehow, my brain was able to wiggle around in the recesses to pull out the Pastor’s message on anxiety. My thinking instantly changed. Do the choices I make help or hinder? Am I doing the best I can given the circumstances? Does our way of living guarantee there will be no illnesses? Our family’s health, environment, and food are something I’m guilty of over analyzing. I read so many articles/books/blogs, constantly looking for better cleaning tools, personal hygiene products, recipes, natural remedies, etc. – surely, I should have some answer for what was going on….
While taking time to keep my family healthy and safe from toxins is not bad – the “illusion” or “assumption” that doing so gives me complete control and that I’ll be able to combat anything myself is bad. Are we given tools for a reason? Yes. Do they help? Yes. But NOTHING in life is guaranteed one hundred percent.
So…perhaps this is God opening my eyes to the fact that, yes I do have control over some things, but ultimately, He is the master conductor and I cannot control or change everything little thing, so why fight so hard!? Immediately I started praying, giving up control to God, asking Him to guide my thinking and for wisdom. And you know what? Right away I was enveloped in a sense of peace and my mind was able to slow down.
Dealing With Anxiety
If I said that was the end of my anxiousness, I’d be a liar. As we were walking into the hospital, the doctor’s office called back saying the test they ran came back negative. They were sure they knew it would be that…so now we were back to square one. As we settled into our room, a few monitors were hooked up, and various doctors and nurses came and left.
I tried to recall the rest of the Pastor’s message on anxiety and was drawing a blank. During a quiet moment, I pulled out my notepad, thumbed past all the pages of children’s scribbles, and found my notes. The next step in dealing with anxiety (from a biblical perspective) is to try and respond how Jesus responded.
Reminding myself that he experienced anxiety as well (Matt. 26:37-39) was a help. Things to note:
1. Jesus’ anxiety was limited to the time right before his death – not his entire life.
2. He asked his disciples for help.
3. He connected with God by praying.
Time to regroup my thoughts again. My mom and I have this saying “One day at a time – sometimes one minute at a time!”. No sense worrying or letting my mind wander down the deep black hole of what could be wrong until we get the next test results back. Then I texted a few people to ask for prayers. And then I started praying fervently, laying everything out there -again- and requesting the sense of peace to be returned!
Dwelling with Anxiety
Piggybacking off the last section – where we decide to “park” our thoughts makes a huge difference in how we deal with anxiety/stress. If I had allowed my thoughts to remain dark; if I hadn’t made the effort to focus my thinking on something positive; the overnight stay in the hospital would have been terrible.
I had a choice. I could dwell on the negative (using medications we’d prefer not too, wondering when his breathing wouldn’t be so labored, feeling helpless as I held his body down while administering oxygen treatments, guessing what could be happening as each test came back negative, etc.) OR I could choose to focus on positive things (being thankful the hospital is close by, thankful we have insurance, thankful there were more tests to be done yet, thankful I could be with him to comfort him, etc.).
This also connects back to note #1 above. We should be limiting our time of anxiety/stress. My constant need to research various health topics stems from worrying and wanting to protect my family from any little thing we might encounter while walking through our healing journey. I need to remind myself it’s ok to be conscious of certain things but being stressed out over what hasn’t happened or could be is more detrimental to my health, which then affects my relationships with everything/everyone else negatively.
I’m not saying it’s even remotely easy. It’s work. But reframing our thoughts and/or the situation truly helps. If that seems too hard turn to prayer. If praying seems to hard work on counting your breaths, listen to calming music if possible, or call someone and let them do the talking for you!
Honesty Helps
There’s really no point in denying what is or how we feel. I find it only makes the situation worse. We’re also only kidding ourselves if we think those around us can’t tell. Jason is the first person to remind me to take a breath and ask for help.
Sometimes I don’t want to ask for help because I feel it makes me seem weaker or like I can’t handle the situation (or life). But every time I’ve asked for help, whether it be from family, friends, or God, I instantly feel some relief.
I’ve also learned to be frank with God. He already knows what’s in my heart (Ps. 139), so why bother pretending. When I connect with Him, He knows exactly what I’m feeling, the good, the bad, and the ugly!
Soul Care Matters
This may seem like a platitude to some. However, the changes I’ve noticed in myself since making this a priority are proof. In the “Present Over Perfect Bible Study” I’m working through, author Shauna Niequist comments that neglecting our soul leads to disconnect with others and God. I can be so guilty of making everything else in my life a priority; except the one thing that should be at the top.
When we tend to our souls, whatever that looks like for each person, we’re better able to handle stress. The little things don’t pile up so high. Moments of joy come more often. The mountains of housework, unpaid bills, unknown medical diagnosis, broken relationships, etc. don’t lead to an immediate state of panic and days of anxiety.
For me, it’s making sure I take time out to connect with God. Since making this more of a priority the last month; I’ve been able to take things in stride. Previously, things like immediate and extended family health and behavioral issues would have led to stress, shortness with the kids, straying away from outings, and/or withdrawing from Jason. Now those things represent a chance for me to grow.
Embracing Anxiety
It probably sounds counter-intuitive to embrace something that causes stress, so let me explain. If we remember to be honest about the anxiety we’re facing, make an effort to deal with it, and refuse to let it consume us; we can learn to start letting it go.
As I started to work through the anxious emotions running through my head while at the hospital with our son; I felt its grip on me loosen little by little. My heart started to calm, I was able to process things clearer, and as I started to relax so did those around me.
The few tests, x-rays, and labs all came back negative/clear. Thankfully, our little guy responded well to various treatments. So well, in fact, we were able to go home the next morning. An official diagnosis was never given; however, I was able to accept the situation for what it was, be glad it wasn’t anything serious, and move forward with the day.
Embracing my anxiety those two days was a huge turning point for me. Had I denied things and pretended I was still in control I would have never experienced the freedom of letting go. And that sense of freedom is contagious!
Recalling how I felt in those moments of release has helped me repeatedly embrace and let go of so many other things I have fought to control. Do I still get panicky and stressed out? Of course!!! But it no longer consumes me. It doesn’t ruin my day. It’s made my relationships with God, Jason, the kids, and friends and family stronger.
