More Than Just Eggs

To the parent/child/grandparent (and every other relative and person in between) – we see you. 

I’m not sure when and/or why we started placing such heavy burdens on ourselves. The need to be someone well-known, liked, sought after. The need to have all the answers and ability to fix all the problems. The need to feel we contribute to our family, those around us, and society.  It’s just plain taxing. 

Speaking from experience here. It sometimes leads to feeling overwhelmed, underutilized, and washed up. And worst of all wondering if we even make a difference in this world no matter big or small. The struggle to accept that we are all amazing creatures, made just as God intended, and worthy of everyone around us is real. 

I don’t normally like to “single out” people (especially publicly), but a conversation I had earlier this week pulled at my heartstrings. And I couldn’t help but think: How many times have I felt like this person did? How many others out there feel like this? How do we reverse this thought process? How do we permanently eradicate the words “I’m not enough” from our vocabulary?!?

Here’s the background story:

My daughter loves LOVES loves her Grandma (and Papa too).  Every day she wakes up and asks if we’re going to the farm to see them! And if we don’t, she tells me several times throughout the day she misses them. And if we’re at the farm and it’s time to leave – Oh Goodness – it’s a 30-minute ordeal because there are so many “one more time” things to do with them. It’s pure love on all ends. That about covers the background! 

The actual story:

I was struggling with a decision I needed to make and in a non-direct way talking with “Grandma” about it while picking beans in the garden. We both agreed that as stay at home moms it’s hard to feel you contribute adequately to the family, especially financially. The feeling is compounded when looking at other close friends and relatives who do work or have a high position within a company or work for various organizations that make an impact in the world.

We both asked the question: Why do we feel as if we don’t do anything? That being a mom is not enough, not valued, not seen at an important role in society. At this point, one of my lovely children interrupted with some urgent need that couldn’t wait and the conversation was stalled. 

As I continued to think throughout the day; I kept coming back to that conversation. I didn’t plan on being a stay at home mom; it’s just how God worked things out. Some days I love it and some days I don’t.

But most days I wonder if I’m doing enough for them, for my husband, for our family. When I help organize local playgroups and women’s bible studies, I just feel like I’m annoying people with all my emails. When I started organizing our farm information, I feared they would think I’d gone overboard and wanted to control everything. When I call my mom to catch up/vent/ask advice I worry what she’ll think about the topics. All this self-imposed worry about feeling like I don’t have it together, like my input isn’t worth anything, and/or like I’m not enough of a person to have my say considered. 

Ok, back to the story –

Fast forward to when it’s time for us to leave. Luckily, my daughter remembered we needed eggs for breakfast the next morning. Out of all the egg cartons we save, she loves this white styrofoam one that holds 6 eggs. Totally not practical for us since we eat close to 12 between the four of us – but she loves it. It’s come home as a toy a few times and I sneak it back to the farm thinking she’ll never know. (Hahaha, right!)

While Grandma is getting some eggs for us, she hands her the “mini” egg carton. Her eyes light up, a big smile emerges, and her cheeks dimple. It’s the cutest thing ever! Grandma opens it for her and shows her what’s inside…a beautiful collection of colored eggs, each hand-picked by Grandma to make her smile. 

As Grandma explains why she picked each egg I seriously struggled not to cry. Here is a woman who continually opens her heart to me and my kids. She does not currently work so she can be available for us (for her entire family actually) and help around the farm. She helps our dreams become reality. She gives us a quiet place to go. She makes beautiful memories with my children. She contributes to family, friends, and society in so many ways……and yet at times doesn’t feel enough. 

We thanked her for the eggs (both the mini carton and the bigger ones) and started loading up the car. She replied, “Oh, they’re just eggs.” 

Driving home, all little girl talked about was her mini egg carton and the eggs inside (especially the 2 green eggs, her favorite). 

And all I could think was “This is so much more than just eggs! Doesn’t Grandma see that!”

I wish I could say I took the time to REALLY thank Grandma for putting the eggs together, for finding the special egg carton, for taking extra time out of her day to bring a smile to little girl’s face – for thinking of everyone but herself. 

But I didn’t. And perhaps therein lies the problem with people feeling like they’re not enough. I certainly don’t have all the answers and am not perfect. And I’m sure I’ll still struggle with this feeling from time to time.

However; I will remember to let people know that I see them, to thank them, to show we value them, and that God loves and sees them too. I’ll also remember even the “little things” can make a lasting impression! 

So, for those of you feeling like we don’t see you – we do – we just need to practice verbalizing it more often!!!