The Film That Made Me Question My Faith
This spring, I watched IF: Gathering 2021, an online women’s conference featuring numerous speakers. They spoke about topics such as racial reconciliation, dealing with trials and tribulations, being fearless in the fire, simple obedience, and holiness. It was revitalizing and yet led me to question my faith.
The questioning came from one portion that really drew me in. A topic I’ve heard about, known about, have prayed about, but felt so distant from. Something I’ve not dealt with personally but felt deeply convicted by. An issue one might expect to be covered in mainstream media but is only spoken about in certain circles.
It was a compelling interview with Jennie Allen and Pastor X regarding the underground church movement in Iran and the Middle East. As a result, I promptly watched the connecting films “Sheep Among Wolves” and its sequel. They caused tears of compassion, shame, and awe.
To fully grasp the gravity of the underground church movement; how precarious the situation is and how strong in faith the disciples are; one MUST watch the films to experience listening to the stories first person.
However, I can’t remain silent after feeling a passion so deep it led to a conversation with Jason with me exclaiming “I want to start a church!”.
I can also no longer ignore the prompts God’s been sending my way to share their story. To raise awareness amongst believers and non-believers that His Kingdom is growing, persecution be damned, through this underground movement.
Special Note: To protect identities, personal information and specific locations are purposefully vague. However, it does not detract from the importance of what they are doing or the threats they are experiencing.
Q&A Interview
The interview with Jennie Allen and Pastor X took place in an undisclosed location in the Middle East with facial images and voices distorted. As Pastor X answered questions, explained the beginning of the movement and following growth, and shared insight into what makes their following different; I couldn’t help but get excited about something that seemed so real.
It was produced to raise awareness, request prayer and support, and explain the mindset behind the people leading the movement. It was informative and the videography made issues more tangible.
What stood out like a megawatt lightbulb, were some glaring differences between believers in the Western and Eastern cultures. Perhaps it was intended, perhaps not.
But one thing I felt for sure – we’re missing out on something!
Interviewee Background
Pastor X became a Christ follower later in life. He grew up in the United States and experienced what a luxurious life in a first world country looks like. High paying job, nice home, multiple vehicles, connected and working with a church, education, etc. But a few years into having a personal relationship with Christ, he still wondered what was missing.
His wife grew up in the Middle East within a family extremely devoted to their ethnic beliefs. After a life-changing event, concerning her mother and a failed joint suicide attempt, she became a Christ follower. She encountered Jesus in a very real way, which led to some passionate sharing and created growth of new followers. It also led to living a life of faith underground.
Persecution Realities
Persecution for faith looks different in various parts of the world. To step away from one’s cultural beliefs and express faith in something different can be monumental and change the trajectory of life. It might look like ostracization from the family, loss of employment, being shunned by friends – all things people sometimes face here in the United States.
What we typically don’t have to face is the need to run and/or hide for safety from known persecution. I don’t need to worry my family may turn me in to the authorities for choosing a different belief system. There is no fear the authorities will come to my home and harm me or my family for my beliefs. I don’t have to have a discussion with my husband over what to do should they come for one of us. Teaching the family self-defense to save a life is not a top priority.
Persecution in Iran and the Middle East takes many forms pending gender and age; which may include being beaten, tortured, raped, isolated, being sold into slavery/sex-trafficking, separated from family, death.
Considering the difference in persecution, my hesitation to share what I believe suddenly seems paper thin and choosing to operate underground with safety systems in check doesn’t seem so far out.
The Culture Struggle
After meeting and marrying, Pastor X and his wife came back to the United States. A few months later, she became depressed and restless. Pastor X could not understand considering she left a third world country where Christ followers face persecution daily. So, he asked her, “What’s wrong?”.
Her response has played in my head on repeat:
“The church here is not alive. It’s as if they’re under a satanic lullaby. I want to go back home. Take me home.”
Let that soak in. She would rather return to the Middle East and face death in the name of her King versus living with comforts and religious freedom in the United States. In her eyes, spiritual sleepiness was more threatening than persecution!
What was more important to her than having luxuries and freedom? Being with fellow believers who are active and alive in Christ, pushing His Kingdom forward, and exhibiting a radical faith. Regardless of needing to worship underground to avoid being killed!
As I look back on my walk with God and think about how I compare what I have to those around me or focus on how an upgraded XYZ would make work easier or hesitate to share things God’s placed on my heart lest I be ridiculed/called out/lose friends and followers – one question consistently pops up.
Is what I have really faith? Or is it a shaky byproduct of growing up in the church and sneaking in quiet time with God?
To be continued…
Don’t miss future posts in this series! I’ll continue to share what aspects of these films made me question my faith. We’ll also take a closer look at how the underground church operates and what Pastor X sees as differences between the Western and Eastern cultures that lead to different types of Christ followers.
How has this information affected you so far? Did you learn anything? Gain a new perspective? I’d love to hear your thoughts on the topic!
