The Real Me

18 years. You’d think that would be enough to bring healing and closure, right???

And yet for some reason…here I am…

Still nervous to share this side of me. Still anxious when talking to people about it. Still processing shame, guilt, and heartache. Who would have thought that one single moment in time, could have such a profound effect and change the course of life forever.

For those who read my blog post Counting My Blessings back in August, the news itself will not be anything new. I spoke about having the opportunity to reunite with my adopted son. Much joy, love, and connecting has taken place. It’s been amazing!!!

Adoption Article

What is new, is an article about my adoption story written by Jeannie Whitlock shared in the Bethany Christian Services (BCS) “Life Lines” magazine. When I was first approached about an interview with BCS (the agency I used  and LOVE), I immediately jumped at the chance. I love telling my story. I love being able to help by providing clarity and honest feedback, sharing experiences, or whatever else comes my way. So, it didn’t seem like a big deal…except…

The caveat was that I’ve always done so in a safe environment. Meaning very close family members & friends and at adoptive parent training workshops, fundraising events, or birth mother luncheons.

While this wasn’t enough to scare me away from doing the interview it was enough to make me think about “my real life” becoming more public.

Because sure – everyone knows me via Facebook or the Blog or mom’s groups or play groups or church – but what percentage of those people actually know the full story of my life – the nitty gritty – the one thing I carry with me every day, but don’t talk about often.

Why it can be awkward!

Part of it’s due to natural flow of conversation – it’s not really natural to be like “Hi, my name’s Peggy, how are you? By the way I have a young adult son who was adopted!” Part of it’s because I still fear judgement, so I wait to get to know someone before revealing that part of me. Part of it’s because I still feel shame over having a teenage pregnancy. 

And part of it’s because 18 years later I’m still dealing with new emotions, still processing old emotions I thought put to rest, still adjusting to life changes, still figuring out how to balance time between all my children, still letting go of past hurts/bitterness, still riding the roller coaster, AND still learning to be comfortable in my own skin. 

Don’t get me wrong – I’m darn proud of the choices I made in a less than ideal situation. I’m incredibly grateful for how awesome things turned out. I’m forever thankful for having my son (and his adoptive family) in my life. 

As with most things in life, being a Birth Mother is a lifelong journey. It’s not a one-and-done kind of thing.  New things will hit you when you least expect it. 

The article in BCS’ “Life Lines” magazine talks about a few things that have come up in my journey. It’s my pleasure to share it with all of you. Here’s the link to the article: Turning Pages – A Long Story about Healing. 

By sharing not only am I furthering my own healing process I’m hopefully:

~ spreading awareness about how beautiful adoption can be

~ letting others know there are safe places to go (including me!)

~ teaching others it’s OK to be honest while not being completely comfortable with themselves

~ sending the message, you are still loved despite “bad” choices

~ relaying it’s OK not to have all your crap together

~ providing an example that you shouldn’t hide who you are

Be Real. Be You. This is Me – Proud Birth Mother & Mother!!!